Even though I have been avoiding the online dating scene for awhile, it still creeps into my inbox, even through channels that I never knew existed. For instance, has anyone else noticed that Facebook has decided they are now an online dating site? Seriously. Facebook has started this service called SpeedDate, and even though I never signed up for it, I've been getting matched up with all these random guys. I keep getting emails that say "You've Been Sent a Private Matchmaker Note about PrppyRednck, who Lives in APO, AE".
Even if I could get my mind around the fact that Facebook is trying to set me up with a guy stationed in the Armed Forces in Europe, what about my profile tells them I'd be interested in someone who identifies himself as a "Preppy Redneck"? Is it because I am from Maine? Now listen, I don't have anything against preppy guys, or redneck guys, but in my opinion, the two should never mix.
I tried to unsubscribe myself from SpeedDate but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Utterly annoying seeing as how I never subscribed in the first place. If anyone has any information about Facebook's Forced Personals, please let me know.
Recently one of my readers commented on the fact that while my posts are incredibly funny and interesting (ahem, why thank you), they are also rather infrequent. It seemed like less of a criticism and more a statement of fact, and I would have to agree with this reader. I really don't keep my blog updated as often as my loyal fan base would probably like I'm sure.
You see, some people keep blogs that are about their day-to-day lives, and somehow they manage to keep these blogs incredibly interesting. I don't think I could do that. "Today I went to work, then came home and ate a pint of ice cream for dinner" is really not the stuff blogging legends are made of.
I get around this by giving my blog a theme. When I was in France I kept a blog about my adventures abroad and my observations of the French people and their odd, quirky ways. And now that I am a dating diva, I keep a dating blog. My posts are always focused on men, dating, or the world of romance in general, usually with a focus on the online dating phenomenon.
The problem is, what this all means is that there will be periods of time when the blog goes un-posted because you see, I don't date every day. I'm sorry to disillusion you all, as I'm sure you all have ideas about my fabulous life wherein I see a different man every night, but the truth is that I am just your average gal who has to do laundry on Sundays and work late sometimes. There are other things to do besides make out with your cute neighbor, and unfortunately sometimes annoying chores like bill paying and cat feeding take precedent.
The truth is that life is all about balance, and there are times when I find it hard to find mine. For awhile there, I wanted to not focus on dating because I felt like I needed to focus on myself. What I've realized though, is that life doesn't stop while you sit down to make your to-do list. I can't put my life on hold while I take my time figuring out how I'm going to lose the weight, pay down the debt, find a better job, or figure out a way to get myself focused on my other writing projects. On the other hand, when I meet someone I tend to let myself get wrapped up in the excitement of meeting someone new, and I tend to let those other important things in my life slide a little bit.
I've never thought of dating as an all-or-nothing kind of thing, but I do realize the need to find a good equilibrium. Meeting people and socializing with them should be part of a well-rounded lifestyle and not something to either avoid or obsess over--after all, dating is good for the mind, soul, and, ahem, body.
Right now I'm dating someone who lives in my building, so when we want to see each other it's only a five-second commute. On the one hand, that's rather convenient. No need to go outside in the cold, wind, rain or snow, and you become real comfortable really fast being in your pajamas in front of the other person. You figure out right away if he is a cat person and won't mind being around your pet. Coming over without going out first doesn't feel as much like a booty call as it used to.
But on the other hand...you never need to go out and brave the elements to see your crush, so there's basically minimal effort involved. You end up seeing each other in PJ's more often than dressed up and sexy. Your pet starts to like him more than she likes you. And the booty call factor looms large.
Right now I'm enjoying the convenience factor, and the fact that it's new and exciting. But the main awkward factor is the fact that you don't know the proper dating rules when it comes to living one floor up and three doors down. Are we supposed to make contact every day? Should I wait for him to call or just knock on his door? Do I need to constantly keep my place clean in case he happens to stop by? Should he be allowed to do that in any case? Do I even care what should be allowed?
The fact is that being with him feels so easy and drama-less that I don't worry too much about these questions. The fact that he is probably moving across the country soon also helps to ease the obsession and lets me live more in the moment. And I think that's a good thing.
Still, I feel as though I should update my PJ wardrobe a little.
By now you all may have noted that I have a habit of getting myself into interesting situations, especially in terms of dating. But while the complications have all been unique, the one all-encompassing theme over the past year and a half has been that I have horrible dating karma.
Why else would I meet an adorable, funny, intelligent guy who rocks my world (at least so far), only to find out that he's most likely being transferred to Texas soon for his job?
But before I get into that, one thing should be noted: I don't normally make the first move with a guy, because I don't normally summon that kind of confidence (real or forced) that is required to do so. I'm usually a nervous wreck around guys who I meet in real life and not on the interwebs. I'm not that confident girl, as much as I've always wanted to be.
But this weekend, I swallowed my fears and decided that no one ever needs sugar that badly. I marched right over to Cup of Sugar's door, knocked, and told him I was out of coffee (lie-I had plenty). I said with the snow outside and it being a Sunday afternoon and all, a pot of coffee was just what I needed (lie - making out with him was just what I needed).
Somehow I managed to choke out "would you like a cup" and all of a sudden we are in my apartment, chatting away, enjoying each other's company. Which leads to him asking me to go to a movie and to dinner, which we proceed to do.
After dinner I invited him in for "more coffee". If he didn't know I was lying this time, I think he knew I was this time :-)
Cup of Sugar guy is pretty great --he's mature, drama free, and all about making me feel good. We saw each other on Monday, and we're going out to dinner again tomorrow. And I am working on suppressing my tendency to be a clingy girl who obsesses about every little nuance of everything because frankly, he makes me happy when I'm with him and what more is there to analyze in the first few days of a new...thing?
So OF COURSE he would have to work for a company that is most likely packing up their Boston office and moving to Texas.
Of. Freaking. Course.
Know what I'm sayin' ladies? I think we've all had those moments when we've been acting not quite like ourselves on a date or when first meeting someone. We laugh a little higher. We smile a little longer. We swallow our witty sarcasm and feign interest in his new financial project for streamlining healthcare insurance sales for large companies blahdy blahdy blah.
Which is exactly how my chat with Mustache Guy went this evening. Normally I write off guys with Mustaches (I mean really, get creative. Do a goatee or something. What are you, auditioning for Boogie Nights?), but this guy has a terrific sense of humor and seems cool so I'm giving it a shot. But at one point in our conversation, he got a little boring.
Mustache Man (yup, just changed his name, cuz I like alliteration): I am now the lead on the boring healthcare insurance sales streamline project. Yay me, I'm so brilliant.
Diva: Yawn. I looked at Gluten-free blogs all day for my job. How way cool is that?
Normally I would have pretented to be riveted by his job stories, but really I couldn't care less because his job sounds really boring. So I decided sarcasm is the best way to go. And I think he appreciated that, in fact I think he was dying to talk about how boring his job is. So we did, and as it turns out, he wants to do a doctoral degree in anthropology someday. Which is totally something that I can be excited and ask him questions about without a hint of irony!
Now, who would have benefited if I had pretended that streamlined healthcare insurance sales systems really turned me on?
Maybe one reason I have been anti-dating lately is because it can be so exhausting pretending to be the best version of yourself all the time. I'm not saying I act like a complete fake, but I think theres a difference between the way I act with my friends (super funny, brilliant, sarcastic, quick thinking, often cynical, sometimes making an ass of myself, and not afraid to have political discussions), I sometimes reign it in a little when I'm with a guy. It's just not necessary, and while I'm not advocating being a lazy rude cynical hag while on dates, I don't think there's anything wrong with showing your less-than-perfect side.
Despite my lack of blogging, I have not become a nun. That being said, I might as well have joined a convent what with all the action I've been getting lately. I always thought the Ursuline order seemed welcoming...
Short of becoming the bride of Jesus, I've decided I might jump back into the world of meeting men after a summer of really weird men and really bad choices on my part. I blame DVR. Now that I have DVR, it seems that there is nothing more important than re-watching entire seasons of West Wing and Gilmore Girls, catching all the political pundit shows on MSNBC, in addition to watching regular prime time, working, and seeing my friends. This gives me the opportunity to hide out in my new studio apartment (which I love) and not think about stupid boys.
I'll be honest. I haven't felt so great about myself lately. I can't point my finger to one specific thing, except that I felt like the online dating thing was becoming like a job that I was getting too good at. Where's the romance? Where's the spontaneity? How are you supposed to feel excited about someone you've already asked the rolodex of questions? And why do I keep dating people I don't feel that excited about?
So I decided to just stop, and I was about to think that I should start getting fitted for my habit, when I heard a knock at the door. I got up from the couch, clad in my red fleece pajama bottoms with the blue and white stars on them, a black t-shirt with a cat-claw-made hole in the front, glasses, hair pulled back, no bra. My place was a mess (like, it was embarrassing) and I almost gasped as I looked through the peep hole. It was my apartment building crush!
It's the guy I've seen around the building many times, and each time he gives me the warmest smile and we just sort of look at each other and laugh (usually because he is holding the front door open for me and my hands are full of laundry or groceries). He's tall, cute, and totally my type (read: foreign. He's from India). And he was stopping by because...he needed a cup of sugar.
Now, I'd like to stop here and make a few points:
1) As my best friend Kassie points out, "who DOES that?" Nobody, that's who. It's a ploy that you learn from the movies, an excuse to knock on your neighbor's door and meet someone. Of course, maybe he just needed some sugar for his coffee. At 9 in the evening. Maybe. But if it were me, I would just go to the 24-hour store right near-by rather than meet one of my neighbors (this is the city, we don't do that here).
2) He knocked on my door knowing that it was my apartment. He had figured out where I lived and remembered me from our chance encounters. He didn't knock on a random person's door...I am not even his closest neighbor which means he went OUT OF HIS WAY. hehe.
3) I was already slightly stalking him and had figured out which apartment was his and trying to come up with an excuse to knock on HIS door when I got the chance. Guess he beat me to it!
4) We talked outside my door for about 15 minutes (I wouldn't let him inside since my place was a wreck) and he didn't stare at my grubby pj's at all. In fact, he seemed like he was having a nice time, as I was too. We laughed and asked questions and it was...quite good.
So either he is interested and just wanted to meet me and now the ball is in my court or...he just needed some sugar. Either way, I've clearly been out of the game for too long because this small, probably insignificant encounter has got me analyzing my face off. However, my dating guru has advised that I knock on his door in a few days and ask him for some coffee...and if he'd like to share a cup :-)
