19 posts tagged “dating”
I confess that I haven't read this book (though I have read It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken, the sequel), but I felt that as an experienced dater it was important for me to see this movie with my girlfriends.
Us, and every other woman in Greater Boston.
As I walked into the movie theater, I noticed that it was packed to the brim with females, interspersed with a handful of males. Aside from the token gays, I noticed a few loyal (repenting?) boyfriends and one father who was
The thing about this movie is, one minute it will validate every time you've ever thought you were being screwed around with by some stupid boy ("yes! exactly! I've SO been there!") but then it's as if Hollywood kind of pulls the message and back and says "yes well, sure, when men aren't nice to you it means that they aren't into you. But you STILL could end up with the guy someday!".
Why must movies always have to include a Hollywood ending? In life, even if you do get a happy ending, it's probably not going to be in the form of your boyfriend of seven years, who doesn't believe in marriage, suddenly changing his entire perspective on life. Also, he probably doesn't look like Ben Affleck.
But other than the constant need for the happily ever after, I did feel as though the movie addressed the fact that sometimes we look for hidden signals or signs from men (or women) who we desire, when in reality they are just trying to blow us off. Or keep us on the backburner. Or use us to cheat on their spouses. When a little boy tells a little girl that she looks like poop, it is not "because he LIKES you!" as many mothers will have their offspring thing. Likewise, if a man treats you like crap, it's because he doesn't think that much of you.
I feel like a fraud.
How could I call myself the dating diva when I've all but stopped any and all things related to dating/relationships? It's not just that I haven't dated anyone since the Neighbor, although that ship has long sailed, and I think back on it fondly (when was the last time I could say THAT about any of my relationships?), but it's also that I'm just not in the mood for dating.
Shocking, I know! I used to love the thrill of meeting someone new. The promise of possibility before a first date - before the guy has had a chance to make you pay half or remark upon your weight (actually has happened but no blog post unfortunately) or tries to hypnotize you, there's an almost euphoric sense of what could be, and for awhile I thrived on that feeling.
But now, meh. Not so much. I just don't wanna. There's some other stuff going on in my life that I'd rather not talk about on here, but which nonetheless keeps me preoccupied and not wanted to go onto the online sites. Or maybe it's because the last guy who wrote to me said he liked my smile because I "reminded him of his mother."
Yikes, can you blame me for my recent reclusive state? it's a jungle out there!
But I want to keep blogging - I miss it! And I'm not going to give up completely on my search for Mr. Right. After all, if it can happen to Verne Troyer, it can happen for me.
Recently one of my readers commented on the fact that while my posts are incredibly funny and interesting (ahem, why thank you), they are also rather infrequent. It seemed like less of a criticism and more a statement of fact, and I would have to agree with this reader. I really don't keep my blog updated as often as my loyal fan base would probably like I'm sure.
You see, some people keep blogs that are about their day-to-day lives, and somehow they manage to keep these blogs incredibly interesting. I don't think I could do that. "Today I went to work, then came home and ate a pint of ice cream for dinner" is really not the stuff blogging legends are made of.
I get around this by giving my blog a theme. When I was in France I kept a blog about my adventures abroad and my observations of the French people and their odd, quirky ways. And now that I am a dating diva, I keep a dating blog. My posts are always focused on men, dating, or the world of romance in general, usually with a focus on the online dating phenomenon.
The problem is, what this all means is that there will be periods of time when the blog goes un-posted because you see, I don't date every day. I'm sorry to disillusion you all, as I'm sure you all have ideas about my fabulous life wherein I see a different man every night, but the truth is that I am just your average gal who has to do laundry on Sundays and work late sometimes. There are other things to do besides make out with your cute neighbor, and unfortunately sometimes annoying chores like bill paying and cat feeding take precedent.
The truth is that life is all about balance, and there are times when I find it hard to find mine. For awhile there, I wanted to not focus on dating because I felt like I needed to focus on myself. What I've realized though, is that life doesn't stop while you sit down to make your to-do list. I can't put my life on hold while I take my time figuring out how I'm going to lose the weight, pay down the debt, find a better job, or figure out a way to get myself focused on my other writing projects. On the other hand, when I meet someone I tend to let myself get wrapped up in the excitement of meeting someone new, and I tend to let those other important things in my life slide a little bit.
I've never thought of dating as an all-or-nothing kind of thing, but I do realize the need to find a good equilibrium. Meeting people and socializing with them should be part of a well-rounded lifestyle and not something to either avoid or obsess over--after all, dating is good for the mind, soul, and, ahem, body.
Right now I'm dating someone who lives in my building, so when we want to see each other it's only a five-second commute. On the one hand, that's rather convenient. No need to go outside in the cold, wind, rain or snow, and you become real comfortable really fast being in your pajamas in front of the other person. You figure out right away if he is a cat person and won't mind being around your pet. Coming over without going out first doesn't feel as much like a booty call as it used to.
But on the other hand...you never need to go out and brave the elements to see your crush, so there's basically minimal effort involved. You end up seeing each other in PJ's more often than dressed up and sexy. Your pet starts to like him more than she likes you. And the booty call factor looms large.
Right now I'm enjoying the convenience factor, and the fact that it's new and exciting. But the main awkward factor is the fact that you don't know the proper dating rules when it comes to living one floor up and three doors down. Are we supposed to make contact every day? Should I wait for him to call or just knock on his door? Do I need to constantly keep my place clean in case he happens to stop by? Should he be allowed to do that in any case? Do I even care what should be allowed?
The fact is that being with him feels so easy and drama-less that I don't worry too much about these questions. The fact that he is probably moving across the country soon also helps to ease the obsession and lets me live more in the moment. And I think that's a good thing.
Still, I feel as though I should update my PJ wardrobe a little.
By now you all may have noted that I have a habit of getting myself into interesting situations, especially in terms of dating. But while the complications have all been unique, the one all-encompassing theme over the past year and a half has been that I have horrible dating karma.
Why else would I meet an adorable, funny, intelligent guy who rocks my world (at least so far), only to find out that he's most likely being transferred to Texas soon for his job?
But before I get into that, one thing should be noted: I don't normally make the first move with a guy, because I don't normally summon that kind of confidence (real or forced) that is required to do so. I'm usually a nervous wreck around guys who I meet in real life and not on the interwebs. I'm not that confident girl, as much as I've always wanted to be.
But this weekend, I swallowed my fears and decided that no one ever needs sugar that badly. I marched right over to Cup of Sugar's door, knocked, and told him I was out of coffee (lie-I had plenty). I said with the snow outside and it being a Sunday afternoon and all, a pot of coffee was just what I needed (lie - making out with him was just what I needed).
Somehow I managed to choke out "would you like a cup" and all of a sudden we are in my apartment, chatting away, enjoying each other's company. Which leads to him asking me to go to a movie and to dinner, which we proceed to do.
After dinner I invited him in for "more coffee". If he didn't know I was lying this time, I think he knew I was this time :-)
Cup of Sugar guy is pretty great --he's mature, drama free, and all about making me feel good. We saw each other on Monday, and we're going out to dinner again tomorrow. And I am working on suppressing my tendency to be a clingy girl who obsesses about every little nuance of everything because frankly, he makes me happy when I'm with him and what more is there to analyze in the first few days of a new...thing?
So OF COURSE he would have to work for a company that is most likely packing up their Boston office and moving to Texas.
Of. Freaking. Course.
Hi everyone, sorry for the lapse in posts!
Kind of a strange one today, let's see what you all think...
I'm dating a guy who has the weirdest quirk. Whenever he holds my hand, he has to crack my knuckles. As soon as he grabs hold, he starts bending and popping my knuckle joints. Anyone who knows me knows full well that people cracking their knuckles is pretty much my biggest pet peeve. Suffice it to say that I NEVER crack my own. But it's automatic for him, sometimes I don't even think he realizes he's started doing it.
I don't like it, so I usually just move to "arms around each other" pose when he starts in. But I'm not sure the Knuckle Cracker has much of a future with my hand...
Tonight I went on a date with a guy from Nigeria. He calls himself a real romantic, yet he made me go dutch on our very first date (which he had invited me on).
Quite frankly, I've never really thought that a guy should ALWAYS pay, but it's always nice when on the first date, he makes that gesture. It's kind of traditional, which also makes it sweet, not like "I'm the man and therefore the provider". More like "I asked you to spend the evening with me, so I will get this one. Because I also like you!"
Now in every other respect he was quite chivalrous on the date, and I've been home not quite two hours and he has already texted and called me to tell me how much he enjoyed himself.
Am I missing the point here? Does it really matter who pays on the date, if everything else goes as you would like? Or does going halfsies really kill the romance?
The other night when I was on my date with The Artist, I spotted The Football Player out of the corner of my eye. He was at the same taqueria with one his friends. He wasn''t hard to miss as he is 6'3", 250 pounds, and one of the loudest people I've ever met. I don't think he knows that I spotted him, because I kept really focused on the Artist the whole time. But from the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me every so often when his friend was talking. I wonder if he was thinking "Oh, so when I forgot to call her after canceling our date because I made myself sick from partying too much, she didn't become a nun and stop seeing other men?"
Five Things I Will Not Tolerate from Men Any Longer:
1. Flakiness and not being reliable
2. Lack of good communication/not calling when he says he will
3. Inattentiveness
4. Lack of showing the proper amount of appreciation for me and my awesomeness
5. Immaturity
Five Things I Want from My Next Boyfriend
1. An adorable man who makes me feel special
2. Rings me every day
3. Follows through on his promises
4. At the end of the date, makes firm plans to see me again next time
5. Patience and is happy to let the relationship progress at a relaxed pace. In other words, a gentleman.
Tonight I had a date with The Artist, a guy who I've seen before and who I've been talking to on and off. The pros with this guy are that he's really creative (filmmaker, songwriter, producer, musician), very affectionate and romantic, and seems like he really just wants to make me happy. The cons are that he's really too busy to be dating (it took us a month to have a second date!) and he's quite a bit older than me. He's also got that quality that is just kind of unnerving. I don't really know how I feel about him to be quite honest. When he kissed me tonight, I was thinking "wow, he's a great kisser" and not "wow, i really like kissing him". There's a difference there, you know?
But the big PRO to this guy is that he is Spanish and Cuban and tonight he taught me some Spanish. I speak French so I feel like I could pick this up, so we just started conversing and had a conversation...kind of...in in a sort of weird combination of English, Spanish and Francais...Spanglishais?
But only if he's Muslim, ladies. Only if he's Muslim.
Today I was driving to work (something I hardly ever do as I live in BOSTON, land of Confused GPS Systems) and was listening to the morning radio show on JAMN 94.5 with Ramiro (the freakin' Peurto Rican) and co-hosts Pebbles and Melissa. My favorite part of the show is always when Ramiro leaves (he's funny but needs to let the women talk more) and Pebs and Mel (my secret nicknames because I feel like if we got to know each other we'd all be BFFs) do their "Ladies Room" segment. Today's topic was "The Best Way to Break Up with a Guy".
Melissa suggested telling him you have a new man, while Pebs was straight up an "I'm just not interested" kind of a gal. Both agreed that it should be quick and as painless as possible. Then they opened the floor for suggestions. I couldn't BELIEVE what some of the women who called in proposed!
Caller #1: "I've never broken up with anyone I've dated. You have to make them break up with you. Make it seem like it's your fault. It will boost their ego and you're in the clear."
Pebbles: "Well, how do you get the guy to break up with you? What if he doesn't take the hint?"
Caller #1: "Just do a bunch of stuff he doesn't like. Such as for instance, right now I'm dating a muslim guy. So if I wanted to break up with him, see, it's against their religion to eat pork right? So I'd just cook him up some pork!"
Dating Diva (to herself): Did I ever accidentally eat pork in front of Mr. Morocco?
In all seriousness...what??? What is this lady talking about?? Is she serious? And the next caller totally agreed with her, but went so far as to say that if a guy won't leave you alone you should just change your number and change your locks, avoid all places he might be, etc. etc.
Sorry but this is way too much work and totally unnecessary. As my favorite caller put it, "Just tell a guy it's not going to work out and if he doesn't get the hint, ask one of your guy friends to call him and tell him to leave you alone". I agree completely. It's mean and cowardly to drive someone to break it off with you, and just weird to cut someone off so completely like that.
Plus, like Pebbles said, I LOVE my number. No way am I changing it for some guy!
But always remember that if you are dating a Muslim stalker who won't go away, you can always scare him away by feeding him some pork cooked in alcohol or something...
